I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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