PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
