By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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