took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't special order awesome
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you never un-have a 4some
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
