my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize