His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
