Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
