How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
