I just saw a hot homeless man
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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