i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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