We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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