My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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