you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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