There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
