connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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