My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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