We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
