I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
