omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
