it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
