Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
