So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
