Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
