I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
