So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
