I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
