remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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