i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
