There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We don't watch enough power rangers
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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