my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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