New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
