Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I deserve this hangover.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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