Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
