are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
