I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
