Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
