i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
