dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
