i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
