Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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