just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
