angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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