Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
