i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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