she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize