Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
