1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize