well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
