you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
