His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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