Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
