i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
