They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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