Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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