I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
