hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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