if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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