either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
