Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
