Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
