we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize