Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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