If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
