woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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