She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
