Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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